I am made to wonder what could possibly be wrong in the world when I am able to feel both the warmth of the sun and the softness of a summer’s breeze as I stand outside with the dogs. In this moment all is well. If I think about the next moment or so though I will be reminded that the worry has returned, so I won’t.
The doctors can worry for now. The results from the new tests, examining the new symptoms, will be known soon enough so until then, I’ll take deep breaths.
It isn’t denial that causes me to distract myself but choices. I know surgery is imminent, and not just for the brain tumour. Knee surgery has already been scheduled for July. I distract myself because I need to and because I can. There is much to do, and I have a purpose.
June 16th is our fundraiser in Toronto and the thought of seeing so many of you there with your dogs keeps me looking forward. It may be the last time I get to share my thoughts on dogs and speak about rescue work for a while, so I intend to be wise and wonderful. It will also be the launch of the So Said the Dogs. . . collection and I need their lessons now just as I did with the first brain surgery. The throw pillow I keep on my bed features Angus, the dog who taught me how not to give into fear by being still and in the moment. I need this reminder often.
I especially need Mission’s lesson right now as well. She is the dog who showed me what endurance looks like and taught me to give all I can, then all I thought I couldn’t. I lost my dog Ruth several weeks ago and I stumble without her. I don’t yet have the words to express all she taught me, but I did create her Silent Tear because I needed her with me in some way. The tear is rose quartz, the stone of unconditional love, and we shared that for over a decade. The tear has be enough for now and wearing it lessens the grief.
Once again, I need the dogs. Preparing the live presentation of Before and After Rescue Dogs for the fundraiser June 16th has brought back memories, and I am grateful. No matter what I face, I will manage. The rescue dogs gave all I asked of them and I will give what is asked of me.