I haven’t written for a while but as someone who celebrates each Canada Day with great joy and pride I had to make a simple attempt at well wishes and an update. I hate to distract from the celebrations of 150 years with my grim news though.
Even with seven pups frolicking around me and my six dogs at my side I have gone downhill since my brain surgery. The second week of recovery began with an autoimmune disorder. I ached everywhere, was critically fatigued, annoyingly nauseous and suffered from thrush. Treatment dealt with some of the symptoms but not all. After another few weeks of exhaustion and misery my blood was tested. The results showed that my hemoglobin levels are low which apparently indicates internal bleeding somewhere. I have been referred to yet another doctor and hope her diagnosis and prognosis bring some hope and relief.
It has been six weeks since surgery and I expected more of myself. I have given up several times and would have allowed myself to stay in a dark place had the dogs let me. Their eyes still hold belief and they refuse to look away when they know I need them. They take turns coming up to the bed and nudging me. They want a chin scratch or some sort of touch and they are not to be refused. Each one of them is insisting on a physical connection that feeds my soul. They make me laugh when I don’t want to and they make promises of hope that I believe because we have never lied to one another. They have expectations of me and I swore to never let them down. So, every day is onward and upward.
I hope to be with my family tomorrow night to celebrate our good fortune in being Canadian. I refuse to miss an opportunity to spend time with those I love and to celebrate all we share. As much as I am fatigued, I am also forever grateful.